PrettyUnpretty
by Balooney
Summary: I couldn't cope with the attention - with being wanted and lusted after like that. Because when you're told that you're beautiful and nothing else, you start to believe that's all you are. And you hate yourself for it. Because you grow out of being ugly on the outside, but never out of being ugly on the inside. Eventually M-Rated.


**Welcome to Pretty/Unpretty. Even though this intial prologue seems superficial in nature, I promise that the ensuing _story _isn't about Renesmee dieting, and nor is it typically Jacob/Renesmee. ****For the sake of not giving too much away, let us just say that the story is about _Jacob _and not Jacob. The story will switch - from now on - between this moment, in New Hampshire in 2009, where Bella is concluding her studies in Dartmouth and the fictional town of Cheratown, Indiana, twenty-two years later. **

* * *

**Prologue **

Everything in her life was absolutely, absolutely ridiculous. It was ridiculous that her parents were in love with each other without knowing each other all that well. It was ridiculous that they threw sparkles in the sunlight. It was ridiculous that she hit puberty at four. Everything in her life was so ludicrous and absurd that, once she came to terms with the very fact, she cursed whatever drug-doing being had created her and the world she dwelled in. Her name was ridiculous.

Prior to the realization that she was the freakiest freak of a freaky world, however, she was so preposterously, absurdly spoiled that she did not give two figs.

It became the first issue over which their parents disagreed. They agreed in theory – Edward believed a child should not be spoiled, as much as his wife did. But the truth was, the extent of the damage done was not given a chance to manifest itself until it was absolutely irrevocable.

From the day she manifested her presence inside her mother, she had been the absolute center around which her family, comprised of eight adults, rotated. She wasn't only well-cared for, but absolutely _adored_ by four sets of 'parents' and her life-sized puppy; a large percentage of their sizeable fortune was devoted to her, and it was absurd.

As if her beauty as a child hadn't been equal to that of a 'baby angel' as Alice said, she was so well groomed and dressed, with the best money could buy, that she began to _glow. _Alice created shampoos, conditioners and soap that were made out of fresh, exotic and earthly ingredients and she was bathed in them every day until she was so gorgeous it was frightening. Edward complained, and Bella did, too – but for entirely different reasons. As much as they were in wonder about how their child seemed to glow like God had kicked her out of heaven, Edward didn't want his daughter to become as narcissistic as Rosalie. Bella, in turn, did not believe a child ought to have shampoo made of chamomile imported from North Africa and made into potpourri by Indian monks and citric fruits imported from the heart of rural China. She secretly agreed with Edward, but she believed it unnecessary and ridiculous to bathe Renesmee in rosewater every day with the aforementioned shampoo and to use a jade stone Alice had stolen in one of the Mexican-Mayan pyramids.

By the age of two, she was trotting the globe and learning things in the most interactive ways possible, in first class seats, in couture made for her despite the fact that she was pint-sized. Fashion moguls knew of Alice, even if they actually never laid eyes on her, so when she requested things for a child, they were made by Karl Lagerfeld and Oscar de la Renta. Bella was horrified by the second part, if not entirely by the first. The clothing _was _childlike, however, so she felt she had no grounds to protest. Because she was so uncultured prior to meeting Edward, she hadn't had it in her heart to tell them not to submerge her child in art, music and languages.

Six men – a father, two uncles, two grandparents and a Jacob – were absolutely besotted with her, and four of those owned one of the largest fortunes in the richest country in the world. Whatever she wanted, she got, even if the men in question were reprimanded for it. In retrospect, of course, the women did their own kind of spoiling – with the exception of Bella. She had so many material things that her room was bigger than that of their family's patriarch, and things related to her occupied more space in the attic than that of everyone else put together. Her room, theoretically, was not – but her closet and bathroom were monstrous – and she had a room _entirely _for her toys, which Bella complained was the size of her entire childhood home.

She had a battalion of Barbies and MyScene dolls – many of them vintage and collection – and every Barbie product ever made; she had even more Polly Pockets. There was a secret stash of Brat dolls that Jasper hid for her in her study. Alice found the dolls vulgar and did not allow them, which had – of course – spiked her curiosity. She never threw a tantrum over this, either. Jasper saw her looking in the direction of the doll and bought it when Alice wasn't looking. She had a real, miniature play house of her own with an Easy oven. The miniature playhouse also had a closet with more costumes than were imaginable. As she grew (quickly), she forgot about her playroom, but quickly got two computers and nintendos.

Bella found the amount of toys horrific, but had no grounds to protest, because Nessie had a sweet, if slightly fake, disposition. In theory, so did Edward, but in Nessie, he found someone to lavish the attention that Bella did not allow on herself.

Because of her Hannah Montana love in her tender years, the family's Tennessee home became a ranch – _all because Nessie wanted a pony, like Miley. _Finally, the spoiling had struck a nerve, and Bella voiced it out loud. Being unusually clever, Nessie did not throw a tantrum like her mother did, but pouted and crawled into her father's lap, with a false face of absolute dejection. But Edward had been brought up traditionally in the early 20th century, and was actually delighted his daughter had shown an interest in horses.

And Nessie had won, finally proving to her irksome, unloving mother that she _never _lost.

She was frequently told that she was the most beautiful thing in the world: the smartest, the most precious, the sweetest– and she knew it. When she walked down the street, people stopped and stared. (As a teenager, she realized it was because her lifestyle merely aggravated her freakishness). Nevertheless, because her mother did not tell her this at least once every day, she became the bane of her existence. Why didn't her own _mother _realize how special she was? Why didn't she? Hadn't she borne her?

The effect of this on her self-esteem did not – could not – manifest itself, because everywhere she turned, there was proof that she was the most beautiful thing in the world.

Her drawings were displayed like Mozart's artwork; everything she did elicited laughs and wonderment. Every wall of her house and every digital screen was covered with pictures of her. Jasper's cell phone's screen was a picture of her and Alice in Puy du Fou, a theme park in France; Emmett's, of her and Rosalie with milk mustaches in Bail; and Carlisle's, of her and Esme at a pumpkin patch. Their living room was a shrine to her existence.

Under that amount of attention and love, the ghosts deep inside her never had the chance to flourish.

* * *

Her life and self-esteem crashed and burned when Alice detected hairs under her arms and went absolutely berserk. While purchasing all sorts of depilation products, from tweezers to her own laser machine, she ensured that _everybody _knew of their existence. Despite the fact that there weren't more than five, they provoked uproar: Edward yelled at Alice for being ridiculous, and Emmett suffered from a brief melancholy-filled depression in which he moped in the corners for _weeks. _

For the first time in her life, she took a shower by herself, instead of allowing herself to be subject to her Aunt's ridiculous rite of filling a tub with rose water – after Alice wrestled with her to pluck the hairs out. She spent a week with both Alice and Rosalie staring at her chest, which made her feel awkward and uncomfortable, so she kicked them out.

With Bella's full support.

For the first time since her spoiling reached its peak, she liked her mother.

It was a testament to her Aunts' inability to introspect that they actually _wondered _why Nessie had suddenly become so painfully shy and began to hunch, attempting to conceal her growing breasts. The fact that she and Rosalie had been banned from her grooming routine did not deter them, because their excitement was so great. ." Since they made a point of informing everyone of their existence – "Oh, Jasper, look at these training bras! Aren't they the cutest things?" – Nessie decided that she wasn't going to make it more visible for any of them. With Bella's help, she purchased oversized pullovers to conceal them. The first time she wore them, Alice sobbed as if Nessie had slapped her or declared she was joining the Army, "because Diane von Furtsenberg and Alexander McQueen did not make _jerseys_!" She wailed out the last word like it was as dirty a swear word as "cunt."

But Nessie was sick of Alice and Rosalie. "Aren't they the cutest things?" turned to "Have you realized how big her boobs are? Bella, they're bigger than yours!" in front of her own, sick-looking grandfather, who could not look her in the eye for months. When he did, he finally burst out crying.

Unbeknownst to Nessie, things would only get worse.

When she menstruated – which her Aunts looked forward to with disturbing enthusiasm – she locked herself in her parents' cottage and _begged _her mother to do something about it. They briefly considered escaping to Canada until she turned eighteen, but later decided that Nessie would stay in the cottage – and no explanations would be given other than that she wanted to sleep in.

But the two came to investigate as a desperate, needy woman investigating her cheating husband. They smelled it, and let out horrid, horrid screeches of excitement. After giving her tampons and pads, they ran back to the house, screeching like insane banshees, and informed everyone.

It was the last straw.

There was a big fight that escalated until everyone but Nessie, who was curled over the bathroom praying that thunder would strike her at that very moment, was involved. Bella yelled herself hoarse at Alice and Rosalie, but nobody but Esme defended them, and it drove a wedge between everyone.

The men spent their days congregated sulkily in one corner, which further mortified Renesmee, as none of them could look her in the eye. They moped as though she had died of cancer. Her mother was on her side and giving Alice and Rosalie the evil eye; Esme went on as if nothing had happened, after giving Nessie a lecture involving a lot of metaphors involving the seasons, nature, and the cycle of life. They were the only two that did not act as if she had sprouted five heads.

It was around that time when she turned from a tall, gangly thing, to a breasted, menstruating, fat one. Her cramps and Aunts overwhelmed her, and she ate. She stuffed herself in front of the fridge late at night, and she spent an entire summer moping underneath her bedspread because she _hated _herself, and she _hated _her body.

She was a _freak. _An super intelligent one, but a circus freak nonetheless, and the greatest manifestation of it was a body sprouting hair, and bleeding for days without dying, and bursting with unsightly lumps. She was four, and had the corresponding innocence, so she hated her body for turning traitor. And most of all, she _hated _herself because she was _dirty _– because she didn't _want _to be attracted to Jacob. Of all the sick ironies of her life, the fact that she dreamt of Jacob was the one that made her hate herself was what made her vomit her heart out every morning.

Instead of understanding that she was _four _and depressed because it was so overwhelming – the evil duo began patrolling the kitchen like troops in a war zone, denying her the comfort of food. So, in desperation, she began stealing money and running to the supermarket in the middle of the night. She went to Wal-Marts, purchased food and ate it in the forest with quiet desperation… until she reached the size of a young killer whale, finally ballooning to 250 pounds.

The combination of grease and sugar, depression, hormones and the death of Alice's facial cream containing Austrian Edelweiss triggered the most horrid gene she inherited from Edward A. Cullen – and suddenly, she had cystic acne and horrible cysts, swollen reddish, painful lumps under her skin and pimples that squirted pus.

Much to Alice and Rosalie's horror, she died her hair black because she found her hair color hideous; she did it to spite them, too. To add to their chagrin, she constantly wore black, too.

Because her heart was Blackened, but she was too overwhelmed to manifest it any other way.


End file.
